Emotion and Prayer and Faith

Apparently I've fused emotion with the spiritual; emotion with prayer.

I grew up with the precept that when you feel the Lord's presence you cry. It is genuinely Him you are encountering when you are moved to tears.

Now, let's not misunderstand: one can be moved by the Lord's greatness when you're in His presence and tears start flowing. But these 2 don't always go hand in hand.

I grew up with the concept that if others were crying in the Lord's presence and you weren't, you were missing out on something BIG.

Even now, I still weep at the thought of Christ dying for my sins. I still weep at the truth that God wants to meet with me even though I have lived against Him. I still weep at the fact that He is so gracious to offer me His love and everyone else on this earth so much so that He is patiently waiting to come back for the sake of others' to hear His name.

However, this emotional speed bump has hindered my prayer life.
I have backed down from consistent one-on-one prayers with my King, resulting from "not feeling anything." You don't have to remind me that, "it's not about feeling," because that's something else inculcated in me during my childhood.

The thing is that I want to pray fervently, with passion.

I grew up with the screaming, ear-drum-poppin', pentecostal heat that forced you to fall back when the guy practically pushed your forehead back.

I have considered my "powerful prayers" as the ones in which I weep and am reenergized. If there's no weeping or no "feeling," then it wasn't strong enough; or my best effort even.

So I spoke with my earthly mentor and best friend, my mother. She said, "Prayer is all about faith." She lit my cracked lightbulb. Something in me just connected when she said that and I understood.

What I told her was that I feel like I was more "holy" or more into God in my younger years than now. I told her that I don't know what to pray for anymore. "I know the attributes of God and what He's capable of... but then again, if I really did know Him, I would want to be with Him every second of everyday."
Yes, I know a lot of things but knowledge isn't enough.

"Just praise Him," mom said. "Just tell Him what He means to you and confess His greatness."

"Even if I don't feel anything?" I said.

"Yes. Prayer is all about faith."

Hope

What happens when someone who you admired has become the person you least want to become?

A person once told me that the Lord allows us to see all the things that hurt us and aren't good for us, all the bad things so we could see what NOT to do.
That same person's advice has actually made me apply it on them...

It's interesting how things in life take a turn.
You hope for the best but it doesn't come out.

Does that give us reason to stop hoping?
Not at all :)

Hope is was kept Corrie Ten Boom alive as well as Dietrich Bonhoeffer during the Holocaust.
Hope helped Gladys Aylward take 100+ children on foot across Chinese mountains in the middle of a war.

Hope keeps me runnin'.

Hope from Jesus.