Saturday, December 31, 2011
G'bye 2011. Hello opportunity.
Today is the last day of 2011.
Thinking back to the last 364 days, I am grateful for them.
For every low & every high.
Every tear & every laugh.
Why? Because of the mistakes I learned from & for the chances that I took.
I wouldn't change anything about it because the Lord has been with me all along & constantly teaching me, telling me to keep going, loving me, growing me & building me up. It's interesting because I wouldn't change even the "bad" moments in my life because through them the Lord has always come through and made His power more tangible.
What's to come in 2012 I have not a clue. Well, I have some idea of events to come but I would rather just place all my plans in the Lord's hands and allow Him to orchestrate.
I know a lot of opportunities will arise. We can look at the practical (i.e. jobs, making living-arragement choices) or at the spiritual (i.e. preaching the Gospel, love instead of get angry) and I want to seize those opportunities! I want to do what the Lord wants me to do.
He's given me life & I want to make each year count.
When I really think about it I want it to count for the Kingdom, for the eternal. Even my time on this earth is momentary, so I only have a "moment" to make a difference. I'll take it!
How exciting that we get to play a part in the King's song of salvation!
It's an honor.
So here's to seizing each day of 2012.
Thinking back to the last 364 days, I am grateful for them.
For every low & every high.
Every tear & every laugh.
Why? Because of the mistakes I learned from & for the chances that I took.
I wouldn't change anything about it because the Lord has been with me all along & constantly teaching me, telling me to keep going, loving me, growing me & building me up. It's interesting because I wouldn't change even the "bad" moments in my life because through them the Lord has always come through and made His power more tangible.
What's to come in 2012 I have not a clue. Well, I have some idea of events to come but I would rather just place all my plans in the Lord's hands and allow Him to orchestrate.
I know a lot of opportunities will arise. We can look at the practical (i.e. jobs, making living-arragement choices) or at the spiritual (i.e. preaching the Gospel, love instead of get angry) and I want to seize those opportunities! I want to do what the Lord wants me to do.
He's given me life & I want to make each year count.
When I really think about it I want it to count for the Kingdom, for the eternal. Even my time on this earth is momentary, so I only have a "moment" to make a difference. I'll take it!
How exciting that we get to play a part in the King's song of salvation!
It's an honor.
So here's to seizing each day of 2012.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Preconceived Notions
How do you get rid of your preconceived notions about someone? In this case it would be someone who can be ruthless but has raised you up your entire life (aka my dad).
Does it mean that you haven't forgiven this person?
Or is it that your heart has built up walls for its safety? Does that make it a good thing?
Is having preconceived notions also known as being judgmental?
All these questions have been surging within my heart and mind.
One thing I know is that I have forgiven. I feel no bitterness toward dad. Just caution.
I love him. But I just now know who he is.
It's interesting because it has taken me this long to get to know him.
Before I really, really tried to understand him and comprehend why he got so angry (he's good at justifying his actions/arguments). But now I see that he has chosen to be that way. He said, "I'm not the problem. I'm not gonna change." Maybe I just didn't want to see the truth. And it's not like I've lost hope. No, not at all. I still pray for him and cry out to the Lord for daddy. But this has nothing to do with hereditary anger (G-pa) or with mom and I causing his outbursts. It's between the Lord and him. It's between the Lord and I. It's a one-on-one thing. Other people can be used by the Lord to work in your life but ultimately the decision is in your hands. You can open the door or you can shut it.
Through all of this hullabaloo the Lord has spoken to me one verse over and over again: Love your neighbor as yourself. The Lord has also had me read passages about being rooted in love. Love love love!
Thank the Lord for love. He is Love, and if it weren't for His sacrifice I wouldn't know what love is. All this to say that my dad is also my neighbor. So with that, I will love him as myself. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
It's a command. A sweet command. Jesus loved us when we had not even an ounce of a reason to be loved.
Something supernatural.
Something possible.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
Does it mean that you haven't forgiven this person?
Or is it that your heart has built up walls for its safety? Does that make it a good thing?
Is having preconceived notions also known as being judgmental?
All these questions have been surging within my heart and mind.
One thing I know is that I have forgiven. I feel no bitterness toward dad. Just caution.
I love him. But I just now know who he is.
It's interesting because it has taken me this long to get to know him.
Before I really, really tried to understand him and comprehend why he got so angry (he's good at justifying his actions/arguments). But now I see that he has chosen to be that way. He said, "I'm not the problem. I'm not gonna change." Maybe I just didn't want to see the truth. And it's not like I've lost hope. No, not at all. I still pray for him and cry out to the Lord for daddy. But this has nothing to do with hereditary anger (G-pa) or with mom and I causing his outbursts. It's between the Lord and him. It's between the Lord and I. It's a one-on-one thing. Other people can be used by the Lord to work in your life but ultimately the decision is in your hands. You can open the door or you can shut it.
Through all of this hullabaloo the Lord has spoken to me one verse over and over again: Love your neighbor as yourself. The Lord has also had me read passages about being rooted in love. Love love love!
Thank the Lord for love. He is Love, and if it weren't for His sacrifice I wouldn't know what love is. All this to say that my dad is also my neighbor. So with that, I will love him as myself. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
It's a command. A sweet command. Jesus loved us when we had not even an ounce of a reason to be loved.
Something supernatural.
Something possible.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
Monday, December 26, 2011
I will rise
"You hurt because you're alive." -Sam St. Cloud
This past weekend was one that shook me, broke me, and pushed me down.
Little by little the Lord has been picking me up in broken pieces and gloriously putting me back together in all His holiness. He has been healing my bruised heart to make it clean and unblemished. I just continuously ask my Father to examine me, my thoughts and heart, and to know me. Because without Him in my life I am in despair and would be utterly lost; in complete darkness. But He is my light and my salvation. He is the only Redeemer and the One who restores.
In all our trials in life, whether big or small, the Lord has told us He would be with us.
Nothing is too big for Him, and if it is for us He would never allow us to go through something we can't get out of. He always makes a way. Even if it seems that you just can't go on, He whispers "You can." And it's not because of anything we ourselves can do but it's because the Lord Almighty is with us. He comes and in all His splendor and gentleness breathes life into you as my best friend said to me last night. In your weakness He is made more evident. When there's less of us there's more of Him.
So set me aside Jesus as I willingly follow You. I plead for You to lead me Lord. For I long to see Your will be done. You make life worth it.
This past weekend was one that shook me, broke me, and pushed me down.
Little by little the Lord has been picking me up in broken pieces and gloriously putting me back together in all His holiness. He has been healing my bruised heart to make it clean and unblemished. I just continuously ask my Father to examine me, my thoughts and heart, and to know me. Because without Him in my life I am in despair and would be utterly lost; in complete darkness. But He is my light and my salvation. He is the only Redeemer and the One who restores.
In all our trials in life, whether big or small, the Lord has told us He would be with us.
Nothing is too big for Him, and if it is for us He would never allow us to go through something we can't get out of. He always makes a way. Even if it seems that you just can't go on, He whispers "You can." And it's not because of anything we ourselves can do but it's because the Lord Almighty is with us. He comes and in all His splendor and gentleness breathes life into you as my best friend said to me last night. In your weakness He is made more evident. When there's less of us there's more of Him.
So set me aside Jesus as I willingly follow You. I plead for You to lead me Lord. For I long to see Your will be done. You make life worth it.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Honestly
I have never been assaulted the way my father assaults me.
I have never been bashed with words the way my father does it.
I have never been belittled the way my father belittles me.
I have never cried as many tears as I have because of my father.
I have never been loved the way my Father God loves me.
I have never been pursued the way my Father God pursues me.
I have never been told I am worth something like Jesus has.
I have never been picked up from the dirt so forgivingly and restoring-ly the way my Father has done.
Tonight, with tears running down my face and a churning heart I kept repeating, "I'm not what dad says I am. I'm not what dad says I am." Shaking my head, "NO", I just wished his puncturing words could just vanish. But we know it's not that easy. Dad's words cut deep way past my skin and bones tonight. My heart felt so suppressed and tiny I didn't know it could feel that deep. The words were so hurtful I just froze, paralyzed in shock. Becoming numb I only felt the tears tickling my cheek as they slipped out of my eyes.
With all this I started thinking upon Jesus and what HE went through when He was harassed, spit on, crucified... by His own creation. AND HE'S GOD. I am just baffled. I cannot imagine the pain He went through. And even though what I felt tonight was incredibly hurtful, I know it doesn't even come close, not even in the slightest distance closer, to what Jesus felt when He was betrayed, when the nails punctured His skin and bones and when the weight of everyone's sin was upon Him. EVERYONE'S... even those to come. And God to go through that? God who could have well remained on His glorious throne. He's amazing.
At the thought of all this I was humbled and refreshed. Jesus holds me. Jesus loves me. Jesus tells me who I am.
Jesus.
God is love and I want to be rooted in love. Oh how the enemy tried coercing me into his twisted plans. But I am not his to fool around with. Only Jesus can use me because I am His vessel and His vessel alone. I will remain His vessel until my last breath and even then I will confess that Jesus is Lord.
I have never been bashed with words the way my father does it.
I have never been belittled the way my father belittles me.
I have never cried as many tears as I have because of my father.
I have never been loved the way my Father God loves me.
I have never been pursued the way my Father God pursues me.
I have never been told I am worth something like Jesus has.
I have never been picked up from the dirt so forgivingly and restoring-ly the way my Father has done.
Tonight, with tears running down my face and a churning heart I kept repeating, "I'm not what dad says I am. I'm not what dad says I am." Shaking my head, "NO", I just wished his puncturing words could just vanish. But we know it's not that easy. Dad's words cut deep way past my skin and bones tonight. My heart felt so suppressed and tiny I didn't know it could feel that deep. The words were so hurtful I just froze, paralyzed in shock. Becoming numb I only felt the tears tickling my cheek as they slipped out of my eyes.
With all this I started thinking upon Jesus and what HE went through when He was harassed, spit on, crucified... by His own creation. AND HE'S GOD. I am just baffled. I cannot imagine the pain He went through. And even though what I felt tonight was incredibly hurtful, I know it doesn't even come close, not even in the slightest distance closer, to what Jesus felt when He was betrayed, when the nails punctured His skin and bones and when the weight of everyone's sin was upon Him. EVERYONE'S... even those to come. And God to go through that? God who could have well remained on His glorious throne. He's amazing.
At the thought of all this I was humbled and refreshed. Jesus holds me. Jesus loves me. Jesus tells me who I am.
Jesus.
God is love and I want to be rooted in love. Oh how the enemy tried coercing me into his twisted plans. But I am not his to fool around with. Only Jesus can use me because I am His vessel and His vessel alone. I will remain His vessel until my last breath and even then I will confess that Jesus is Lord.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
I conclude
My decision for my last post is to not apply for that job.
I will apply for a second job.
That way I won't miss my kiddos :)
That is all.
I will apply for a second job.
That way I won't miss my kiddos :)
That is all.
| |||
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Career & Passion
So just for the heck of it I started searching for jobs today.
I found a pretty nifty full-time one... for a Christian ministry in town that's actually all over the world.
It's being the administrative assistant for the director of the office of the president of the ministry. Whoa.
It has so many duties that seem challenging but exciting; a lot, but worth it.
The mission of this Christian ministry is "introducing adolescents to Jesus Christ and helping them grow in their faith."
Sounds great!
But I'm hesitant to apply to it because:
1. the duties sound like I'm not fit for the job
2. the job doesn't exactly line up with my "psychology" degree (even though their requirements say "high school diploma; bachelors degree preferred")
3. it even looks like a dead-end job where there's no way to move up because you're just the "secretary"
4. I have already applied to this ministry before and never received feedback from the last try
"Should I apply for it?"
The ministry looks so well-founded! I read their statement of faith too. They are up-front with their purpose [which is so thrilling].
But then I start to think, "What if later on I change my mind and I don't want to go to school for social work anymore?" (My alternative would be that I would want to get my masters in something else... like business in this case.) THEN, I would definitely have to take the GRE right? That would take months to study so then I wouldn't start my masters next winter like I had planned...
This clearly beckons me to question what I have passion for. This question has been on my mind ALL day. The only thing I can answer is, "Jesus and His Word." I mean, I really like doing a lot of things but when I think of "career" and "passion" I think of: "Passion and career would sum up to be... me being at work but not feeling like I'm working because of the love I have for what I do." Yes that sounds way over the top like some plateaued peak of bliss. At 22 I should have passion for many things right? I should know... right?
Lord, search my heart and know my thoughts!
I found a pretty nifty full-time one... for a Christian ministry in town that's actually all over the world.
It's being the administrative assistant for the director of the office of the president of the ministry. Whoa.
It has so many duties that seem challenging but exciting; a lot, but worth it.
The mission of this Christian ministry is "introducing adolescents to Jesus Christ and helping them grow in their faith."
Sounds great!
But I'm hesitant to apply to it because:
1. the duties sound like I'm not fit for the job
2. the job doesn't exactly line up with my "psychology" degree (even though their requirements say "high school diploma; bachelors degree preferred")
3. it even looks like a dead-end job where there's no way to move up because you're just the "secretary"
4. I have already applied to this ministry before and never received feedback from the last try
"Should I apply for it?"
The ministry looks so well-founded! I read their statement of faith too. They are up-front with their purpose [which is so thrilling].
But then I start to think, "What if later on I change my mind and I don't want to go to school for social work anymore?" (My alternative would be that I would want to get my masters in something else... like business in this case.) THEN, I would definitely have to take the GRE right? That would take months to study so then I wouldn't start my masters next winter like I had planned...
This clearly beckons me to question what I have passion for. This question has been on my mind ALL day. The only thing I can answer is, "Jesus and His Word." I mean, I really like doing a lot of things but when I think of "career" and "passion" I think of: "Passion and career would sum up to be... me being at work but not feeling like I'm working because of the love I have for what I do." Yes that sounds way over the top like some plateaued peak of bliss. At 22 I should have passion for many things right? I should know... right?
Lord, search my heart and know my thoughts!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Reserved
I can't help but write about this because just now the Lord has made me stop and think about what's been going on.
Lately there have been various encounters with guys. From giving me cookies and slushies with their name and number on it to having creepy guys trying to get my number, having a guy bluntly say "You're beautiful," having another practical stranger act like we've been friends forever and sending me messages, & seeing and talking with an old friend who has in the past admitted liking me who is now noticeably trying to grow closer to me but is so far from the Lord.
But I was thinking upon all of this. It seems like a lot. To me it does. One season everything is so quiet and as soon as I'm about to graduate college, things start shakin' up a bit. Here's a note: a while ago I prayed to the Lord to please not allow any romantic relationships in my life until I finished my bachelors degree. I now have my degree. With this I am not saying that all these guys are coming from the Lord. That much is clear to me. In fact, I start wondering where they are coming from.
I don't want to seem overly assertive but these all seem like tests. This might sound out-of-the-ordinary and unsettling but I even think that the enemy is constantly probing all these men in my life. Right when my life is shifting and even as I am assured that the Lord is going to move mightily... these happen. I just don't see any other way of translating this. None, absolutely none of these men have evidenced a fruitful life with Christ. With this I am meaning to say that none of them are for Jesus. None of them are in Jesus. And maybe I'm being too forward in deducing this when I haven't given any leeway to get to know these guys (neither do I plan to) except the old friend who I already know who [the Lord revealed to me today] is definitely in desperate need for Him; but the way they approach a girl (me) is evidence enough of their "quick" intentions. Not from the Lord whatsoever. The main reason why I think this is because of the amount of distraction that's coming from all directions. They seem like so many that it's unorganized excess and not characteristic of the Lord.
And inevitably this makes me think of my future husband. The thought of the Lord's master plan, even in my romantic life, gives me peace. (And let me take this moment to remind myself that the Lord's master plan in my life, even my romantic life, is to bring HIM glory. May it bring YOU glory Jesus. I am only a vessel.)
Some guys don't respect the ring on your left-hand ring finger. These guys sometimes could care less. And that is something that I am alert of. Not being married, I have certainly told many guys what my ring is for, yet they still seem unhindered in their pursuit... an impure pursuit.
Back to the thought of my future husband. I just sometimes feel like he's thinking about me (however cheesy that may sound) and even praying for me. In the latter "guy episode moments" the Lord quickly places His holy fear in my heart and I am reminded of the holy life He has called me to live, even as I wait for my husband. I myself am learning from these awkward, sudden and interrupting instances of guys trying to "hook up." I have to admit that I have never received so many names and numbers and messages from guys until this season in my life. It's flattering at first but again, at the thought of my husband, I already feel "reserved." :)
Jesus guide me in truth and purity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me
Psalm 51:10
Lately there have been various encounters with guys. From giving me cookies and slushies with their name and number on it to having creepy guys trying to get my number, having a guy bluntly say "You're beautiful," having another practical stranger act like we've been friends forever and sending me messages, & seeing and talking with an old friend who has in the past admitted liking me who is now noticeably trying to grow closer to me but is so far from the Lord.
But I was thinking upon all of this. It seems like a lot. To me it does. One season everything is so quiet and as soon as I'm about to graduate college, things start shakin' up a bit. Here's a note: a while ago I prayed to the Lord to please not allow any romantic relationships in my life until I finished my bachelors degree. I now have my degree. With this I am not saying that all these guys are coming from the Lord. That much is clear to me. In fact, I start wondering where they are coming from.
I don't want to seem overly assertive but these all seem like tests. This might sound out-of-the-ordinary and unsettling but I even think that the enemy is constantly probing all these men in my life. Right when my life is shifting and even as I am assured that the Lord is going to move mightily... these happen. I just don't see any other way of translating this. None, absolutely none of these men have evidenced a fruitful life with Christ. With this I am meaning to say that none of them are for Jesus. None of them are in Jesus. And maybe I'm being too forward in deducing this when I haven't given any leeway to get to know these guys (neither do I plan to) except the old friend who I already know who [the Lord revealed to me today] is definitely in desperate need for Him; but the way they approach a girl (me) is evidence enough of their "quick" intentions. Not from the Lord whatsoever. The main reason why I think this is because of the amount of distraction that's coming from all directions. They seem like so many that it's unorganized excess and not characteristic of the Lord.
And inevitably this makes me think of my future husband. The thought of the Lord's master plan, even in my romantic life, gives me peace. (And let me take this moment to remind myself that the Lord's master plan in my life, even my romantic life, is to bring HIM glory. May it bring YOU glory Jesus. I am only a vessel.)
Some guys don't respect the ring on your left-hand ring finger. These guys sometimes could care less. And that is something that I am alert of. Not being married, I have certainly told many guys what my ring is for, yet they still seem unhindered in their pursuit... an impure pursuit.
Back to the thought of my future husband. I just sometimes feel like he's thinking about me (however cheesy that may sound) and even praying for me. In the latter "guy episode moments" the Lord quickly places His holy fear in my heart and I am reminded of the holy life He has called me to live, even as I wait for my husband. I myself am learning from these awkward, sudden and interrupting instances of guys trying to "hook up." I have to admit that I have never received so many names and numbers and messages from guys until this season in my life. It's flattering at first but again, at the thought of my husband, I already feel "reserved." :)
Jesus guide me in truth and purity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me
Psalm 51:10
Friday, December 16, 2011
And we commence :)
I graduated college!!!!
Ah it is a major relief to be here right now. (Although I still am waiting for 2 of my 5 final grades!)
But praise the Lord for bringing me this far!
I didn't profusely cry which is great because that would have messed up my makeup real bad ;)
Ha ha but I really tried to just take it all in with joy, even though I sure did get teary-eyed ;) mainly at the unbelievable-ness of it all. It kind of even seemed weird. But a good weird ha ha!
My mama, papa, sis and two of my very best friends and sisters were there with me! It was a complete moment :)
Jesus has just supplied everything.
And He didn't have to; not at all...
He picked me up and has shown me the way until now.
And He will guide me from this point on too.
No doubt He will. My God is a faithful God.
Right now I am just thankful thankful thankful.
Thank You Jesus for being ever present in my life. My life is still Yours... that much hasn't changed :)
Ah it is a major relief to be here right now. (Although I still am waiting for 2 of my 5 final grades!)
But praise the Lord for bringing me this far!
I didn't profusely cry which is great because that would have messed up my makeup real bad ;)
Ha ha but I really tried to just take it all in with joy, even though I sure did get teary-eyed ;) mainly at the unbelievable-ness of it all. It kind of even seemed weird. But a good weird ha ha!
My mama, papa, sis and two of my very best friends and sisters were there with me! It was a complete moment :)
Jesus has just supplied everything.
And He didn't have to; not at all...
He picked me up and has shown me the way until now.
And He will guide me from this point on too.
No doubt He will. My God is a faithful God.
Right now I am just thankful thankful thankful.
Thank You Jesus for being ever present in my life. My life is still Yours... that much hasn't changed :)
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Almost there
Well tomorrow is my last final before I'm done with four and a half years of college.
HUGE milestone and little by little I've tried to start taking it in.
"It's bittersweet," I told mom today.
Thinking back to how many classes I've been in it feels so distant yet so relieving, but at the same time I'm like, "How did I even make it this far?" And I can't help but recognize the Lord's hand in my life. I can't help but thank the Lord.
Today He told me everything's going to be ok. He told me that I have nothing to worry about. And to hear these tender words in a season of change, I know He's placed hope and peace in my frantic heart. I surrendered... once again. That's the formula: you have to surrender once and again. Surrender each day. Then He'll go from there and He'll take you with Him :)
It is in these huge, yet minute in His eyes, changes of life that I realize how grand the Lord is. I realize that His plans far exceed mine and I realize how perfect He is and so full of love that He would choose me and call me by name. Even before the foundations of the earth... He chose me. And for no other reason I want to live if it's not for Jesus. May this be my heart's cry now, when I get married, when I'm with my family, when I turn 50, when I go through trials, when I rejoice and till my last breath.
"For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain" Phil 1:21
May this be my life's way, my life's purpose.
HUGE milestone and little by little I've tried to start taking it in.
"It's bittersweet," I told mom today.
Thinking back to how many classes I've been in it feels so distant yet so relieving, but at the same time I'm like, "How did I even make it this far?" And I can't help but recognize the Lord's hand in my life. I can't help but thank the Lord.
Today He told me everything's going to be ok. He told me that I have nothing to worry about. And to hear these tender words in a season of change, I know He's placed hope and peace in my frantic heart. I surrendered... once again. That's the formula: you have to surrender once and again. Surrender each day. Then He'll go from there and He'll take you with Him :)
It is in these huge, yet minute in His eyes, changes of life that I realize how grand the Lord is. I realize that His plans far exceed mine and I realize how perfect He is and so full of love that He would choose me and call me by name. Even before the foundations of the earth... He chose me. And for no other reason I want to live if it's not for Jesus. May this be my heart's cry now, when I get married, when I'm with my family, when I turn 50, when I go through trials, when I rejoice and till my last breath.
"For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain" Phil 1:21
May this be my life's way, my life's purpose.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
My Scope
The scope of my life through my own eyes is so minute, so finite.
I've been thinking a lot lately about my life (now that I'm so close to graduating) and no joke I'm feeling like I want more. Crazy huh? About to graduate with my bachelors and I want more.
In a way it's a little disappointing that school's ending, although it is a relief. But then I start thinking about life in its totality; not just in the now but in the later and the then. I've been in school since pre-k and became so used to that routine, to the go-to-class routine and even the peer pressure routine that now that my school days are slowing down and pretty much coming to an end (for now), I'm starting to realize that there's more to be lived. Don't get me wrong, I kind of knew that (i.e. the Bible says to set your mind on the things above), but now that my life is taking a turn, all I want to do is hold on... to my Savior.
There's a sense of emptiness in my heart, maybe because school's ending, maybe because now I realize this is for real, or maybe because I am once again reminded that this life is like a vapor as my best friend has reminded me... but I pray that God and only He be the One that fills whatever space is left within it. Maybe it's simply that I've been holding on to some things here on earth.
It's interesting because I think that God has placed some sort of void within my heart during this time because it is dire time to seek Him.
My scope is insufficient and leads me to focus on the now and doesn't reach any greatness.
But the Lord's scope is greater. The Lord's scope is bigger and better. The Lord's scope is infinite and filled with hope. The Lord's scope goes far beyond what any human mind can fathom. The Lord's scope makes me sigh as I release all my fears into His hands. The Lord's scope melts my heart and swells tears into my eyes. The Lord's scope shows me that I am His and He is mine. The Lord's scope demonstrates that my fullness is in Him. The Lord's scope tells me, "There is more. Seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all of your heart."
He's told me He has great plans for me. Plans that exceed my plans.
I respond, "Just have Your way Jesus. Now and forevermore."
I've been thinking a lot lately about my life (now that I'm so close to graduating) and no joke I'm feeling like I want more. Crazy huh? About to graduate with my bachelors and I want more.
In a way it's a little disappointing that school's ending, although it is a relief. But then I start thinking about life in its totality; not just in the now but in the later and the then. I've been in school since pre-k and became so used to that routine, to the go-to-class routine and even the peer pressure routine that now that my school days are slowing down and pretty much coming to an end (for now), I'm starting to realize that there's more to be lived. Don't get me wrong, I kind of knew that (i.e. the Bible says to set your mind on the things above), but now that my life is taking a turn, all I want to do is hold on... to my Savior.
There's a sense of emptiness in my heart, maybe because school's ending, maybe because now I realize this is for real, or maybe because I am once again reminded that this life is like a vapor as my best friend has reminded me... but I pray that God and only He be the One that fills whatever space is left within it. Maybe it's simply that I've been holding on to some things here on earth.
It's interesting because I think that God has placed some sort of void within my heart during this time because it is dire time to seek Him.
My scope is insufficient and leads me to focus on the now and doesn't reach any greatness.
But the Lord's scope is greater. The Lord's scope is bigger and better. The Lord's scope is infinite and filled with hope. The Lord's scope goes far beyond what any human mind can fathom. The Lord's scope makes me sigh as I release all my fears into His hands. The Lord's scope melts my heart and swells tears into my eyes. The Lord's scope shows me that I am His and He is mine. The Lord's scope demonstrates that my fullness is in Him. The Lord's scope tells me, "There is more. Seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all of your heart."
He's told me He has great plans for me. Plans that exceed my plans.
I respond, "Just have Your way Jesus. Now and forevermore."
Friday, December 2, 2011
Time will tell
"Surprise!!!!" Can you imagine the Lord saying that?
The thought brings a smile to my face. :)
I was taking mom out to one of the best breakfast burrito joints in town this morning when she received a call from an unknown number. She picked up.
She got the job.
For six years she had been waiting for a specific job to call her back... and she finally got it.
In those six years, tears were shed, she continually asked the Lord, "When Lord?", she wondered why, she thanked the Lord, she waited, she prayed...and prayed....AND prayed. For six years.
Some would say, "Uuuuh move on."
But the longer you wait, the sweeter the taste in the end.
She really, in her heart, wanted that job. No doubt, throughout the years, she applied to I-don't-know-how-many jobs. But not a single job called her back. Not a single job.
When she got the call today she deeply expressed her thanks to the lady on the other end of the line. She teared up. Raised her hands. She couldn't stop saying, "Praise the Lord!" in amazement and shock of the sweet providence. In between her praises she would apologize since she was repeating herself. I said, "NO! Don't apologize. Yes, PRAISE the Lord! Repeat it!" I knew her heart was overflowing with gratitude :)
It's interesting because just last night she was watching one of her favorite movies, "Joseph King of Dreams." This guy, this servant of the Lord, waited for years before he once again saw his brothers who sold him into slavery. His own brothers. Not knowing why, Joseph acknowledged the Lord in His ways. He even went to jail before he saw them. Yet, later, in the end, he was put second in command of all of Egypt. Radical. The Lord knew exactly what He was doing.
What a relief isn't it? That the Lord who holds my life is sure of everything He does. He doesn't hesitate, doesn't think twice, doesn't stutter. He is. He knows. He does.
The thought brings a smile to my face. :)
I was taking mom out to one of the best breakfast burrito joints in town this morning when she received a call from an unknown number. She picked up.
She got the job.
For six years she had been waiting for a specific job to call her back... and she finally got it.
In those six years, tears were shed, she continually asked the Lord, "When Lord?", she wondered why, she thanked the Lord, she waited, she prayed...and prayed....AND prayed. For six years.
Some would say, "Uuuuh move on."
But the longer you wait, the sweeter the taste in the end.
She really, in her heart, wanted that job. No doubt, throughout the years, she applied to I-don't-know-how-many jobs. But not a single job called her back. Not a single job.
When she got the call today she deeply expressed her thanks to the lady on the other end of the line. She teared up. Raised her hands. She couldn't stop saying, "Praise the Lord!" in amazement and shock of the sweet providence. In between her praises she would apologize since she was repeating herself. I said, "NO! Don't apologize. Yes, PRAISE the Lord! Repeat it!" I knew her heart was overflowing with gratitude :)
It's interesting because just last night she was watching one of her favorite movies, "Joseph King of Dreams." This guy, this servant of the Lord, waited for years before he once again saw his brothers who sold him into slavery. His own brothers. Not knowing why, Joseph acknowledged the Lord in His ways. He even went to jail before he saw them. Yet, later, in the end, he was put second in command of all of Egypt. Radical. The Lord knew exactly what He was doing.
What a relief isn't it? That the Lord who holds my life is sure of everything He does. He doesn't hesitate, doesn't think twice, doesn't stutter. He is. He knows. He does.
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