Reserved

I can't help but write about this because just now the Lord has made me stop and think about what's been going on.

Lately there have been various encounters with guys. From giving me cookies and slushies with their name and number on it to having creepy guys trying to get my number, having a guy bluntly say "You're beautiful," having another practical stranger act like we've been friends forever and sending me messages, & seeing and talking with an old friend who has in the past admitted liking me who is now noticeably trying to grow closer to me but is so far from the Lord.

But I was thinking upon all of this. It seems like a lot. To me it does. One season everything is so quiet and as soon as I'm about to graduate college, things start shakin' up a bit. Here's a note: a while ago I prayed to the Lord to please not allow any romantic relationships in my life until I finished my bachelors degree. I now have my degree. With this I am not saying that all these guys are coming from the Lord. That much is clear to me. In fact, I start wondering where they are coming from.

I don't want to seem overly assertive but these all seem like tests. This might sound out-of-the-ordinary and unsettling but I even think that the enemy is constantly probing all these men in my life. Right when my life is shifting and even as I am assured that the Lord is going to move mightily... these happen. I just don't see any other way of translating this. None, absolutely none of these men have evidenced a fruitful life with Christ. With this I am meaning to say that none of them are for Jesus. None of them are in Jesus. And maybe I'm being too forward in deducing this when I haven't given any leeway to get to know these guys (neither do I plan to) except the old friend who I already know who [the Lord revealed to me today] is definitely in desperate need for Him; but the way they approach a girl (me) is evidence enough of their "quick" intentions. Not from the Lord whatsoever. The main reason why I think this is because of the amount of distraction that's coming from all directions. They seem like so many that it's unorganized excess and not characteristic of the Lord.

And inevitably this makes me think of my future husband. The thought of the Lord's master plan, even in my romantic life, gives me peace. (And let me take this moment to remind myself that the Lord's master plan in my life, even my romantic life, is to bring HIM glory. May it bring YOU glory Jesus. I am only a vessel.)

Some guys don't respect the ring on your left-hand ring finger. These guys sometimes could care less. And that is something that I am alert of. Not being married, I have certainly told many guys what my ring is for, yet they still seem unhindered in their pursuit... an impure pursuit.

Back to the thought of my future husband. I just sometimes feel like he's thinking about me (however cheesy that may sound) and even praying for me. In the latter "guy episode moments" the Lord quickly places His holy fear in my heart and I am reminded of the holy life He has called me to live, even as I wait for my husband. I myself am learning from these awkward, sudden and interrupting instances of guys trying to "hook up." I have to admit that I have never received so many names and numbers and messages from guys until this season in my life. It's flattering at first but again, at the thought of my husband, I already feel "reserved." :)

Jesus guide me in truth and purity.


Create in me a pure heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me
Psalm 51:10