Courage

I LOVE etymology... So allow me to define the title.

Courage:
1. the ability to do something that frightens one
2. strength in the face of pain or grief

It isn't easy to get back up when you're down. Fighters naturally want to get back up time after time but imagine falling down once and again, and again... and again. What did Cinderella Man do? (If you haven't watched Cinderella Man with Russell Crowe, GO, WATCH IT.) He got back up. Blood, sweat in his eyes, pain everywhere, numbness, no more energy, wanting a break, thirsty, you name it.

Courage comes from Old French, corage, which comes from Latin cor or heart.

Courage is when at your core, in that pivotal moment, you do not shrink in fear but rather the opposite occurs, you are brave at that moment. You actually have strength at that moment. You don't have to FEEL it, or even recognize it. You make a decision to face any pain and decide not let the pain take over your life. Now this is a proactive measure. You face the pain or whatever it is you are facing and that's just the beginning, step one.

Courage is when you decide to forgive and love someone who hurt you.
Courage is when you go back in the ocean after a near death experience.
Courage is when your opponent is bigger but you still think you can win.
Courage is when you say, "Let me try that again," even if you failed the first time.

It's not easy, but it's resolve. When you choose to follow a path set before you and plow through no matter how hard the earth is, you break it anyways.

Keep in mind though, that courage isn't some great force. Like Winston Churchill said, "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." So this strength is multifaceted. Don't mistake it with force because even in meekness courage is strong.

Courage: strength in the face of pain or grief. No matter how you're feeling, face today, face tomorrow, again. Just one more time, day by day and you'll make it. You will. Step by step, and you will.

Verses referencing courage:
Deut. 31: 6-8
2 Tim. 1:7
Joshua 1:9-11
1 Cor. 16:13
Psalm 27:14
Mark 5:36
Phil. 1:28
Psalm 31:24

Faithful God

I was just reading through some of my old posts… You know when you journal an entry and you come back to it months or years later just at the right time? Those of you who journal know what I'm talking about… words that you wrote years ago were meant for today too. The same thing happened to me today when I re-read some old posts of mine. Brought tears to my eyes because God is so faithful. He knows the future.

Well, this post was meant to broadcast that I HAVE FEARS. I have been a fearful person for years. Particularly, I have feared the word "no" since I can remember, I have feared rejection, I have feared romantic relationships, I have feared not having control of situations, I have feared making myself vulnerable but I have feared shutting myself out... I have feared fear itself!

So I have come to shout that I AM SO TIRED OF FEAR! So exhausted of it really. It just PARALYZES you! It's stifling my FAITH! I am afraid of picking the wrong grad program. I am afraid of not being someplace I need to be at a certain time because I'll miss out on something. I am afraid of disappointing people so I just become a people pleaser. Done done done! Fear is just making my life into a stinky, hairy ball of fear tumbling down a mountain!

It takes discipline to control your thoughts against fear. It takes faith to halt fear and tell it to talk to the hand!

I serve a faithful God. I serve a God who knows my beginning and my end, my rise and my fall. I serve a God who has loved me with an everlasting love. I serve a God of love that casts out all fear. I serve a God who has formed me from the depths of the earth. I serve a God that used a stutterer to lead a nation out from captivity. I serve a God that supplies all my needs… in fact, He has already supplied them because He knew I would need them. He's always ahead of the game. I serve a God that calls the impossible possible. I serve a God that is able to step down from His throne, actually humble Himself for some time on earth, die the basest of deaths, and still rise up from the dead to actually give undeserving people eternal life. I serve a God that made an invalid literally stand up and start walking, oh and even more importantly, I serve a God that forgives……. It all comes down to His grace…. why? Because His grace makes me not be afraid anymore. His grace gives me hope, faith. He breathes into me once again and lifts my fetal-positioned body out of fear and infuses love in my bones. Yes, He is faithful.

"…for God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

Back to it

Hello there friends!

I have been on a mountain, in a valley, on a roller coaster, dancing, crying... in other words: a lot has happened. But not to worry! I don't wanna make it sound grim ;)

As a writer, I express a lot through words on paper or in this case on the web because spilling my heart through my mouth allows people to get to know me too quick and I'm the type of girl to speak behind the curtain, or on the other side of the wall, if that makes sense.

There are some things that I even hesitate to put on this blog because people that I know might read it. On the real, I am in a place that I've never been before in my life... Just wanted to put that out there! And the key to being in this state isn't to tell someone or everyone about it, it's to discuss it with the only Person that matters because in the long run, He's the only one that will matter, whether people believe it or not.

Until next time <3

Investigate Joy

I have the strong conviction that you can experience joy in the most bleak and undesired circumstance you're in.

Before I leave this earth, I want to experience it.

Being in a horrible situation yet having joy. Being unfazed.
What is it like? Just once, at least, I'd like to experience it.

I feel like I haven't excelled Joy 101... but still, this beckons me to investigate what real joy is.

His love overbears mine

Today I was looking at the little boy with autism I meet with each week.

It's been hard. EXTRA hard. Getting peed on, yelled at, pushed, table dropped on, picking up everything he dropped, giving foot rubs, trying to motivate him in order to do exercises... alas, it was hard and exhausting. It was annoying, depressing, hopeless, sad... Yesterday I simply cried all the way home and fell on my knees as soon as I made it to my room... Back to the little boy....

As I was looking at ____________ go after the dog in his backyard, just frolicking along; then the Lord said, "It's hard to love unconditionally isn't it?"

All I could do is shift my eyes wherever ______________ went and hear my heart beating.
Unconditional love.

Loving when I get yelled at and pushed.
REALLY loving when I'm trying to do what's best for him and he refuses me. Loving, even when I get [on purpose] peed on.
Genuinely loving when I have to follow ______________ each step of the way to keep him from hurting himself as he drops papers, throws his toy bin across the room, tips over heavy wooden chairs and the DVD rack... and (this might sound silly) as the DVDs fall, I must LOVE.

Then I realized.... how short I fall... of Him.
I realized how tiny I really am and how grand His love is.
I realized that God loves _______________ with all his shortcomings.
And I realized that God loves me with all my inexcusable shortcomings.

Even when I refused what He offered, He followed me to keep me from going under.
Even when I was having a ball ignoring what He was saying, He kept motivating me to "Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden.... I will give you rest."


He saw me before I was ever made, and loved me...

Amazing.

I [don't] know

Lord, I know You can see farther than I can.
I know You know why this is happening.
But I don't.
And I know that it's best that way...
Right now I am not understanding.
I want to ask, "Help me understand please..."
Yet the thing that stops me from asking that is knowing that at least YOU understand.
Even when no one else understands what's going on, much less me, You do and that closes all my further questions.

Even with the uneasiness, You know.
I wonder how my faith is right now... being uneasy and all.
I read a saying this week, "Faith- is not believing that God can do it, but that God WILL do it."
Good refrain.
That battles with my heart though.
Or on the contrary, my heart battles with that.

Right now my heart says, "Why? How? What does this mean?" of my circumstances.
Are those the right questions to be asking?

I've always tried to live thankful, as Your Word says.
Maybe not being in the most desired circumstances, yet persevering just because... because You're still there. But does that mean not doing something? If right now I'm in an undesired circumstance, do I "go with the flow"? In other words, wait till You bring something else my way?

Honestly, I don't want to. I want to act. I want to do. I want to move.
Maybe I am moving and I'm not even noticing.

Lord, I know You can see farther than I can.

I know You know why this is happening.

But I don't.

And I know that it's best that way...

Right now I am not understanding.

I want to ask, "Help me understand please..."

Yet the thing that stops me from asking that is knowing that at least YOU understand.

Even when no one else understands what's going on, much less me, You do and that closes all my further questions.

My Teacher

I was listening to a sermon recently. The preacher was saying that there are a bunch of books on prayer... "How to pray fervently", "How to increase your prayer time", "Praying at all times."

Honestly, I own books like these. Trying to search for a better strategy to pray. "Maybe when I read this book, I'll definitely be praying more often."

Yet, the preacher said, there is only One teacher. The Holy Spirit is the One who can teach you how to pray. No book, no 5-steps-to-success pamphlet, no one can teach you how to pray better than the Holy Spirit.

"He is your teacher."


How easy has the Lord laid it out for us? Yet, I tend to complicate things... tangle them up;  only for Him, His grace and love to swoop down and untangle my mess one time and again.