Today I was looking at the little boy with autism I meet with each week.
It's been hard. EXTRA hard. Getting peed on, yelled at, pushed, table dropped on, picking up everything he dropped, giving foot rubs, trying to motivate him in order to do exercises... alas, it was hard and exhausting. It was annoying, depressing, hopeless, sad... Yesterday I simply cried all the way home and fell on my knees as soon as I made it to my room... Back to the little boy....
As I was looking at ____________ go after the dog in his backyard, just frolicking along; then the Lord said, "It's hard to love unconditionally isn't it?"
All I could do is shift my eyes wherever ______________ went and hear my heart beating.
Unconditional love.
Loving when I get yelled at and pushed.
REALLY loving when I'm trying to do what's best for him and he refuses me. Loving, even when I get [on purpose] peed on.
Genuinely loving when I have to follow ______________ each step of the way to keep him from hurting himself as he drops papers, throws his toy bin across the room, tips over heavy wooden chairs and the DVD rack... and (this might sound silly) as the DVDs fall, I must LOVE.
Then I realized.... how short I fall... of Him.
I realized how tiny I really am and how grand His love is.
I realized that God loves _______________ with all his shortcomings.
And I realized that God loves me with all my inexcusable shortcomings.
Even when I refused what He offered, He followed me to keep me from going under.
Even when I was having a ball ignoring what He was saying, He kept motivating me to "Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden.... I will give you rest."
He saw me before I was ever made, and loved me...
Amazing.
So inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing Katy, even about the challenges of working with your new kiddos. You have no idea what a beautiful picture of Christ's love you are showing as you choose to love with the love He's given you even when it's down right hard. You probably have one of the most difficult jobs and I can imagine how trying and very exhausting it must be day in and day out. The perspective the Lord's given you about His love is SO neat though and glorifying to Him! Last night in jr high we were just talking about how the true mark of our lives as Christians should be God's agape love, selfless and unconditional- and that's totally what you are displaying with your little boy. Just know the impact that the Lord's having through your being there- it sounds like both in your heart and also big time on your little boy! I know that for a fact :) You are doing mighty things for His name :) Love you and I'm praying for you <3
ReplyDeleteThank you Annie :) Love you
ReplyDelete