Impressing who?

It's interesting how much we (really I mean "I") rely on what other people say about me to reassure myself of me.

Pardon me if I seem to make tiny things a big deal but I like examining things a lot... maybe over-assessing? Call it whatever you want but here goes:

So I got a new haircut. Kind of drastic. My first reaction was, "Oh my gosh you look hideous!" For a moment I actually regreted the cut... Mom said it was amazing! And everybody else said it was amazing. So then, I was convinced that the haircut was great. But why did I have to wait for everyone else to say that it was amazing in order for me to agree and say, "Oh yah the new do IS amazing!" and be happy?

Or I imagine myself at work and people telling me my shoes look ridiculous. I'll probably never wear them again... even though they're pretty comfy. (Actually, this really did happen.)

When people tell me I look great or my hair is beautiful I kind of tend to open up some more... like I am more outspoken, more assured, more confident. When people don't, I am more reserved, more shy, uncomfortable. Why? I detest this! Waiting for others to approve in order for me to show my real self, in order for me to be comfortable.

Mom said, "I've noticed that you show your real personality, your real, fun and outgoing self when others 'boost' you up."
POINT BLANK! Dead on! That's exactly what I do. I wait for others' approval of me in order for me to be myself. How shallow. How superficial.
She said, "You know you are who the Lord says you are, not what other people say you are."
Straight up!

And yes, the Lord cares much less about the outside than what's inside (although, vestiment is not completely disregarded in terms of glorifying God in the way we dress). But if I am sure and set on the truth of what His Word says who I am in Him, then that would transcend to my life (how I live it out). My living would reflect what I actually believe defines me: other people or the Lord.

So it seems, sadly, that I have been dependent on others to, in a way, make me who I am. I can't believe this...
(While I'm typing this I can't believe this.)
Because in all reality, if a person had told me "Oh my gosh why did you cut your hair that way? It's all crowding your face and the choppy layers don't suit you..." I would have been mortified! (Although, it's really displeasing to hear this from someone.) But from previous personal experience, such a comment devastates my life! Really. So this shows how much power this 'topic,' if-you-will, has in my life. As lame as that sounds, I confess that I've been living with this perspective: if other people aren't happy with me, then I'm not happy with me (with looks).
And yes, most of what I'm talking about has to deal with outer looks, but this whole thing bothers me! And the bother seems to be a good one. Because this 'bother' is telling me, "Um... you really should stop thriving off of what other people say about you." Other people don't see this (taking other people's opinions into consideration) as "bad" (which I'm not saying it is) but when this "dependency" on others' feedback engulfs your life to the point where your joy is taken away, then there's a serious problem; it is revealed, brought to light who you think defines you.

I mean I know people give suggestions, which is great (if it's glorifying to the Lord) but you must thrive on only one thing: His Word; you must thrive only on one person: Jesus.

So I have revealed what a focus has been in my life: people's opinions about me. (How crazy is that? They're even OPINIONS! Not even solid truths! Wow...)

And I pray that my focus be turned to Him who defines me. So much so that I may be more worried (in the sense of "busy with") His kingdom than with others' opinions (pleasing or displeasing).

I'd rather be pleasing to the Lord and displeasing to others than be pleasing to others and displeasing to the Lord.

P.S. Check this site out http://setapartgirl.com/home.html
It's really cool and solely for girls wanting to live for Christ ;)